This is a working title

Every day I try to find the delights in being alive in this body, in my very human experience. But there are some days in which I grow weary of the search for gratitude and positivity.

The dizzying dichotomies are overwhelming. I get tired of sleeping all day. I feel exhausted walking from one end of a room to another. Some days I cannot bear to swallow so many fucking pills. Some days I want to take my anti nausea pills all day and not be conscious because I can’t stand the world in such a raw form. Lights are too bright, sounds are too loud, smells make me literally want to run away. This often chains me to the bed which has been both comforting and utterly confining.

But then my cat will pop up with his toy in tow for me to throw. Or a butterfly will land in my line of sight. Or I’ll unexpectedly receive a sweet note in the mail. Simple, wonderful things will happen, and after my first reaction of fighting the joy, my gratitude and positivity will inevitably resume.

Is that what they call “sitting with it”? If so, I can sit with the best of them.

Maegan

4 thoughts on “This is a working title

  1. W. E. (Rusty) Robbins

    I only meet you once, but have learned to love you as I would love my own child. Sometimes I feel the way you have described due to creeping old age and infirmaty, but you make me feel better with your words of wisdom. You are so much like your granny who is a bright light as well.
    Rusty Robbins aka Rooster Groblewski III

  2. Mae, you are a true inspiration to us all. What’s worse, your not even trying. Really, you’re just telling what is happening to you. But your perspective on life, although tinged red now, is absolutely the best way to view life. Still so very proud of you. I love you❣️ Mom

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