Free writing: Write whatever comes to mind. Don’t worry about punctuation or grammar. Don’t use the backspace.

Because my mind LITERALLY goes to 100 different places when I sit down to free write, I’m going to try giving myself a topic to write on.

*A song I used to listen to religiously but haven’t heard in a while comes on my shuffle. *

Hearing the melody and harmonies of an old flame of a song takes me back to the moment I first heard it. What was I doing? Who was I with? Why did it hold significance for me? A lot of those memories involve me driving wherever in my first car, Ruby, alone, windows down, shouting the lyrics.

One particular time this happened, I was dating someone who moved to Illinois while I lived in Oklahoma City. While I was visiting, we got into a bit of a spat, so I stormed out (not my most mature moment) and drove around Illinois in the dark, no idea where I was. I needed to process and clear my head. My headlights shone on rows and rows, fields, and fields of corn. The smell of autumn leaves, a chill in the air. Nothing around but me and my wounded heart. I usually turn down the radio so my thoughts can exist and flourish without competition, but I did not do that this time. On my way back to the duplex, A Great Big World’s “Say Something” ft. Christina Aguilera came over the airwaves. The sweeping, somber piano music resonated at the same frequency as my tender heart. Christina Aguilera, as usual, belts out soaring notes dripping with pain. I stopped, turned it up quite a bit, listened to the whole song, and then wept and wept.

To this day, every time I hear that tune, that memory pops into my head. Sometimes the memory is welcome, sometimes it is not. That was an acutely painful time for me. However, most of the time I look back on it, I roll my eyes at myself, gently laugh, and thank the Universe that I learned all those lessons.

Warmly (see what I did there? 🙂 ),

Maegan