Almost a month ago now, I stepped off a high curb, misjudged the height and rolled both my ankles. I fractured a few bones in my left foot, fractured my ankle joint on my right foot, sprained both ankles, and tore ligaments in both feet. When I recite that to people who ask what happened, a wince is inevitable. It feels exactly like you think it would: fucking awfully painful and hard to get around to do anything. I can bear weight on my right foot now, but none on my left foot for the past month.

I had surgery two weeks ago Friday to repair my fractured foot joint in my left foot. They inserted plates and screws to help everything grow back to prevent causing me arthritis in the future. I will have another surgery to remove the metal in about six months. Since then, I’ve been in an ace bandage wrapped fiber glass cast and a boot on the other foot. I’ve essentially been relying on Malcolm for everything. He helps me shower, brings me food, does all the housework, takes care of all the animals, drives me everywhere, etc.

In that time of what a friend accurately labeled as “harrowing”, I have had little to no creative energy. All my energy is utilized in daily tasks like mobility, getting my ass to the bathroom several times a day, brushing my teeth, showering, etc. Before Malcolm got me a walker with a seat, my preferred method of ambulating was crawling. I tried crutches and fell a lot. In the rain, snow, mud, thunderstorms.

Y’all, I’ve been trying to reframe so hard, but this is a challenging time. I don’t have much energy for creative things, for posting, for fighting racism and the patriarchy, for reframing. I’ve felt like myself in fleeting moments of joy and gratitude or when visiting friends and family, though I haven’t done any of that since my surgery.

I’m taking time off to concentrate on healing so I can get this cast/boot removed. I try to use my self-care strategies to stabilize my mental health which has been going okay when I use them, like all coping strategies. My friends suggested fun activities for me to do while I heal to keep me sane, like a daily upper body dance party for one or really digging in to tarot. I’m also teaching myself to knit which is going well, until I’m done casting on and have to do the actual stitching.

Any suggestions for fun/creative things to do while I’m healing? I love learning and would love to read your suggestions. Hot girl summer is on hold for a minute, but catch me in another month. Then I’ll be READY. *arm muscle flex emoji*

xMaegan